I'm not broken
by LittleMissKlainerLady
Summary: Kurt has a secret he really wants to keep, but once it is known, will he be able to get help, or is he to far gone to be saved? Depressed!Kurt Cutter!Kurt Suicidal!Kurt
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Hai *waves* I'm gunna write stuff for you now :D Ps. Its AUish with some cannon mixed with AU it's placed somewhere around Silly Love Songs.**

**This story is gunna involve depression/cutting/and other triggering stuff so if you don't like dont read. Go find fluff if you dont want this.**

**Disclaimer: Pshh I wish**

Kurt looking in the mirror, sickened at the image that reflected. He never wanted this, he doesn't remember where it all went downhill so fast.

_You are worthless_

_Nobody cares about you _

_You are barely a man, you're pathetic_

_Your dad finally has the perfect family_

_Blaine would never like you. Why would he want you when he could get a real man_

_You are nothing_

Without a second thought he pushed the blade against his skin watching the crimson blood trickle down his arm. It was beautiful in his eyes, seeing the patterns streak his arms as he let out a weak smile. When the blood ran, he stopped crying and just watched. It was a disaster, but it was his.

"KURT" came a loud bellowing voice from downstairs, "DINNER'S READY"

Kurt frantically saw the state of his body, the large, long cuts decorating his porcelain skin.

"I"LL BE DOWN IN A MINUTE" Kurt answered while running water over his cuts, washing the blood away. It stung but felt good, it was a reminder he was alive.

Kurt quickly bandaged his arms, threw on a thermal with a shirt, and ran downstairs.

* * *

Dinner was normal. Finn talked about Rachel, and football while his Dad and Carole listened egar to hear more while laughing, too engrossed in the conversation to notice when Kurt flinched if he moved his arm the wrong way, or that he barely ate any of his food.

When dinner was over Kurt trudged upstairs flopping on his bed when his phone pit up. Kurt lifted his head to look at who it was.

Blaine

_Don't kid yourself, he barely likes you as a friend don't fuck up._

With a shaky exhale Kurt picked up his phone looking at the message.

_"Hey Kurt! I wanted to know if you thought "When I get You alone" is too much for the gap attack. I think it would be good but Wes is a prude lol txt me when yah get this :D"_

Anger boiled in the pit of his stomach as he threw his phone on the ground and buried his head in his pillow.

_See? He is in love with Jeremiah, A REAL MAN!_

"I KNOW" Kurt countered, to remember that he was alone. Always alone. He couldn't take it, he jumped off of his bed and ran to his bathroom and pulled off his shirt and thermal, throwing them down in a clump in the corner.

Kurt opened his medicine cabinet to find a small sharp blade. He sighed in relief and put it on the counter, and unwrapped his bandages. He examined his arms, not finding an open place. An idea struck him and he quickly pulled his pants down and ran the blade along his thigh. He cut deeper watching the blood bubble up and run along side his leg. He repeated the action several times before setting the blade down and examining his cuts. Several longer, horizontal, red lines painted his right leg, and it was one of the most beautiful things he ever seen.

He bandaged himself and put on his silk pajamas, only slightly wincing at the new, but welcomed, pain in his leg. He closed his eyes only to hear one more nagging voice in his head.

_You're a disaster_

"But at least it's mine" Kurt whispered to himself as he drifted to sleep

**A/N: Sooooo I know this was short but it's just an introduction, don't worry there will be more :D**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Hey guys, unfortunately I still don't own glee...or Kurt...or anyone else...*sad panda* OH and just so yall know, in this story there will be some time jumping like this will be the morning after the gap attack so, yeah. OH AND ONE MORE THING another AU part in the story *cheers for AU* Kurt never transferred to Dalton he just hangs out there a lot because he is in puppy love with Mr. Oblivious Blainerz so ON WITH THE SHOW**

When Kurt awoke he couldn't help the large grin that spread across his face. The gap attack was a huge success, for him. Turns out that weird haired guy had no interest in Blaine! He saw this an an open shot for the goal. He got up and got ready for school, and his was going to be a great day!

* * *

Today was a terrible day.

As Kurt got to school he was greeted good morning by a "rainbow slushie" that involved all of the various flavors the school had, ending with a dumpster toss. But he could shake it off right? This was a great day! He couldn't let these assholes ruin it, he was going to Breadstix with Blaine tonight, and although they were not dating it was the most Kurt could hope for. He climbed out of the dumpster and shook himself off while taking a banana peal out of his hair. "You can do this" he chanted to himself

_No you can't you're weak_

Kurt repeatedly blinked getting that nagging, annoying, tormenting voice out of his head, and headed to first period. Things went from bad to worse. In first period they were given a pop quiz in Algebra II, which he was pretty sure he failed. When the bell rang the students all filed out to leave when Mr. Olsen called him back.

"Mr. Hummel, can I see you for a second?"

Kurt turned around adjusting the strap on his messenger bag and walked over to the tall, white-haired man with a questioning look on his face.

"Umm, can I help you sir?" Kurt asked slightly nervous. It was never a good thing when teachers hold you late after class.

_You can't even keep it together at school? Idiot_

"Well Kurt, there has been some inconsistencies in your grades. Come here." The old man gestured for Kurt to follow him to his computer. "If you look here these are your grades in this class for the quarter. Your classwork and homework grades are fluctuating so much, going As, to Fs with barley anything in between." The white-haired man took off his glasses with a sigh "Kurt you need to get your act together of you want to get into a good college, hear my boy?"

Kurt nodded his head. "Okay now here is a tardy note to your next class, now hurry along." He said while scribbling down an excuse, then handing it to Kurt who fled out of the room.

_Retard_

_What is wrong with you?_

_You are so fucking stupid!_

Kurt let out a loud, yet muffled screech, before heading to U.S. History with Mr. Byrd.

The rest of the day went on slower than he could take. By lunch he say with Mercedes and Tina who mindlessly chatted about some new magazine thing he didn't really have time to care about. All of the sudden a group of jocks passed who poured four cartons of chocolate milk along with mashed potatoes and apple sauce. They left high-fiving each other and laughing as they chanted something stupid along the lines of "Titans rule" or something ridiculous like that. His friends shared worried glances and asked something, but he couldn't hear anything than his blood pounding in his ears.

"I'll be right back." Kurt muttered while getting out of his seat and leaving the cafeteria. He went into the main buildings to get a vacant restroom so he could fix himself without the chance of being walked in on.

He took a paper towel and wiped his face off and washed his hair in the sink.

_You're a failure_

_Can't you go one day without attracting attention to yourself?_

Kurt took a large breath and changed out of his stained, and most likely, ruined clothes and, took at look at himself in the mirror.

Bad choice.

_Stupid!_

_Ugly!_

_Worthless!_

_Freak!_

He ran to see if there was a lock on the door. Bingo! He flipped the lock and quickly discarded his skinny jeans as fast as he could. Everything that followed was in a blaze. He grabbed his pencil box out of his bag and took a blade from a pencil sharpener and sliced his left thigh several times with shallow cuts. The sting made him gasp, and let out a shaky breath he didn't know he had been holding. He looked at the blade and put his back fall against the wall as he slid down to the cold floor.

He stared at his leg watching the blood drizzle from the cuts and it seemed they chased each other as they ran down to the floor. He wasn't sure how long he was in the bathroom until he heard the bell signifying that lunch was over.

_FUCK_

What was he thinking? He never did this at school, he didnt have any way to cover the damage done. No bandages or anything, not even a damn band-aid! Thank god he was wearing back jeans and only had two classes left. He shimmied into his jeans, hissing at the pain as he tried to fix himself before heading to English and then Glee.

"You can do this" he chanted to himself while trying to act like his normal self as he headed down the halls.

_No you can't_

**A/N: Sooo I wrote this in like less than an hour, at night, hope its ok. Please please PLEASE review. I really want to know if you guys are liking the story and please be nice with grammar and spelling stuff, that is not my forte **


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